A quick note about my entry: this story idea was inspired by a quote I came across recently: “Then may I tell you that the very next words I read were these – ‘Chloe liked Olivia…’ Do not start. Do not blush. Let us admit in the privacy of our own society that these things sometimes happen. Sometimes women do like women.” - Virginia Woolf, A ROOM OF ONE'S OWN) The Trouble with Chloe and Olivia by Carrie Karnes-Fannin Word Count: 195 Age Group: YA My secondhand sneakers are scuffed. A splotch over the left toe resembles that old mystery director, Alfred Hitchcock. Or maybe my grandfather. Grandpa loves Hitchcock movies. While I’d never tell him this, I think it’s because he looks like Hitchcock. I’ve had time to study the Grandpa/Hitchcock stain since I’ve spent all morning avoiding this school...avoiding these new kids. Only that isn’t right. They aren’t new—I am. Two sparkly white tennis shoes and a pair of cowboy boots are ahead of me in line. I notice mud clinging to worn boot heels. Then they’re both turning...turning...turning toward me. “Hey, what’s your name?” It’s Tennis Shoes. Unicorn socks show above her double-knotted shoelaces. Her voice is low and musical. A leading lady’s voice. I try to look up...to reply, “Chloe.” My fingers twitch, longing for my camera. Why was everything easier behind a lens? My red canvas-covered right foot covers Hitchcock as my stomach flips. The smell of burnt fries and spoiled milk wafting through the cafeteria isn’t helping. Even Alfred Hitchcock couldn’t solve the mystery of making friends here. “Come on, Olivia,” Cowboy Boots says. “She’s weird.” They go away.
16 Comments
2/6/2023 03:45:53 pm
"Only that isn't right. They aren't new--I am." Perfect.
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Carrie Suzanne Karnes-Fannin
2/6/2023 03:55:00 pm
Thanks, Sara! I appreciate you stopping by.
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2/7/2023 08:49:11 am
Carrie, I love this, and your shoe perspective-they are EVERYTHING. Although her head is down, you've given moments so full of senses that drew me in... love her photographer's perspective. I enjoyed the ride of her thoughts-the way they are random but connected, perfect for the moment and showing her state of mind. You've provided her personality and the feeling of her experiences in so few words. I appreciated knowing your inspiration too. LOVE! Well done!
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Carrie Suzanne Karnes-Fannin
2/7/2023 01:12:26 pm
Thanks, Rosanna! Your opinion means a lot to me.
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Brittany Pomales
2/7/2023 09:55:29 am
Wow, Carrie. This gave us so much of her personality. I like her already!
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Carrie Suzanne Karnes-Fannin
2/7/2023 01:11:50 pm
Thanks, Brittany! That is nice to hear.
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Chloe
2/7/2023 10:29:45 am
This has such a strong voice that I want MORE!!! Oh my gosh Carrie please tell me you're writing a YA novel?! I want to buy it! Good luck with your entry!
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Carrie Suzanne Karnes-Fannin
2/7/2023 01:11:06 pm
Thank you, Chloe! I'm pondering it all at this point, but this just *might* be the beginning of my 1st YA novel.
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2/7/2023 11:41:02 am
The burnt fries smell! I still remember that years later… lovely imagery. I agree with the commenter above; really wonderful Voice. Good luck and well done!
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Carrie Suzanne Karnes-Fannin
2/7/2023 01:08:31 pm
Yes! Smell is such a vivid part of my memory from my own school days. I'm glad you enjoyed this snippet of Chloe & Olivia's story.
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Marjory
2/7/2023 12:50:21 pm
Wow, we learn so much about Chloe in so few words! I'm totally invested in Chloe now and want to see more of the world through her eyes/lenses!
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Carrie Suzanne Karnes-Fannin
2/7/2023 01:09:06 pm
Thank you, Marjory! We'll see what happens...
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Carrie Suzanne Karnes-Fannin
2/7/2023 01:13:13 pm
Thank you! This is my 1st attempt at YA, so that is good to hear.
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Erin Siska
2/7/2023 02:37:15 pm
Love it! You have captured teen angst perfectly. Well done, Carrie! 👏🏻
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Carrie Suzanne Karnes-Fannin
2/8/2023 04:45:36 am
Thanks, Erin!
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